I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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