first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize