You really coming over, don't trick.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
