she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
