They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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