She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
