I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
