Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
