i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
cat food counts as protein by the way
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
