I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Randomize