A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
