just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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