I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
