Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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