just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
