Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
