I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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