I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
