We should be called the Road Head Warriors
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
