You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
