i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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