Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
