he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
