I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Also, beer. Big fan.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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