I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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