I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
