i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize