Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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