I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I was not drunk enough for that final.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
