she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
