I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
