Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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