dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
