is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Those nachos came to me in a dream
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
