come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
