Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize