i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
