Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize