thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I want her autograph on my taint
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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