The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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