I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
