thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
