White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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