Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
