WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
