roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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