I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
