Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
of course. lets lasso hookers.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
