The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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