Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
