There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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