Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
