I'm laying in your front yard are you home
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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