im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Randomize
