Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
