I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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