Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize