no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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