I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
