he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
