if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize