Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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