i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You need Xanax blowdarts
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
