So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
you never un-have a 4some
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
