I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
