well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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