ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize