Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
