you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
