my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Couch. On fire.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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