The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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