Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
