I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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