We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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