Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
