im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
