And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
