i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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