I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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