I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
