You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize