So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
