Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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