how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
