think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
