Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
