If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
