he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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