I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
