Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize