Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
