Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Randomize
