why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
